Because some of those TGIFridays waiters act as autonomous cashiers (thick bills literally stuffed in their pockets) and can dispense change as if cashiers, this particular one assigned to us takes the liberty of giving himself 20 pesos as a tip. If we hadn't checked the receipt (and how many big groups after a long dinner would actually check the change?), we'd never have known. They probably get away with it many times too. With him bringing up lies like "It's a policy"... The nerve!

We complain to the manager, who profusely apologizes and gives us a coupon for a free dessert the next time we come to their establishment. Guess what? We haven't returned ever since.

CASE 2: Shakey's and the 84-Centavo Question

And to further illustrate my point, here's something that happened to me just a week ago.

A friend and myself are having a late merienda/early dinner at Shakey's in Makati Cinema Square. It is a Wednesday, 5 p.m. Hardly any customers. Which is why we wonder why the bitchy waitress assigned to us bangs the menus down in front of us. Hmmm.

We order their chicken and mojos dish. It takes ages for the chicken to come. Only after we've been tapping our fingers on the table does a friendly male waiter (the one who isn't assigned to us) notices, checks the kitchen, and apologizes that the chicken is still being cooked. And this is 15 minutes AFTER we've ordered.

The climax : The bitchy waitress finally gives us our change. It is supposedly P 103.84. Now get this. We receive a 100-peso bill and 3 pesos in .25-centavo coins. Making the total P103 right? We complain to the friendly male waiter by saying our change is lacking. So the bitchy waitress comes and asks what the problem is. We explain. To our disbelief, she asks (in tagalog): "So, you (actually) want the 84 centavos?" I resort to loud, impeccably pronounced English in order to shock some sense into the bitch: "Look, if you can give us three pesos in 25-centavo coins, then you can AT LEAST give us 75 centavos more, that is, if you don't have the proper denominations for the complete 84 centavos!"

She goes and gets precisely that: P 0.75 centavos. She plunks it down as if indifferent to the whole thing. No apology. No nothing. My friend and I are thinking of reporting this to the manager but decide against it because we are already late for an appointment.

CASE 3: Will Handy-Man Ever Change?

The scene is Tuesday morning, 12 noon. An officemate is at the Handy-Man branch in WalterMart at the corner of Pasay Road and Pasong Tamo. She is there to buy a fuse. A simple thing. But because it is an official expense of the office, she has with her a 500-peso bill, fresh and crisp from the Petty Cash box. Turns out the fuse is only P11.50 and she has no other cash on her.

The cashier, who is a picture of spoiled indifference sitting atop her throne-like chair, says: "Sorry ma'am but we've just opened; we don't have any change." Then just sits back and stares nonchalantly into the distance.

Officemate: "Well, I don't have any other cash either."

Cashier: "Well, sorry ma'am, we just opened, we don't have any change..."

My officemate wonders aloud: "So, I'm the customer and I'm the one buying the product and I'M THE ONE who has to go out and worry about finding change to pay YOU? Can't you ask someone here to go and get change for my bill???"

To which the stoic cashier finally calls in one of the boys to go to a nearby store to break the bill into smaller change. When the task is finally done, my officemate proceeds to the customer service counter and asks for the manager. The rest of the store looks on in wonderment.

Turns out the manager isn't there yet, and even the HR person is eating his lunch. But the boy at the counter does go out of his way to call the HR guy. So my officemate gives her report and says: "You know that is no way to treat your customer… to add the burden of finding change for a big bill?"

HR: "Sorry ma'am. Pero nag-sorry naman po siya di ba?"

Officemate: "Yes, but that's not the point!"

HR: "Nag-sorry naman po pala eh."

+ + +

In 2 weeks, I return with part 2 of my "The Customer is Crap" series, with more shocking tales of quality service in commercial establishments. Abangan!

<About The Author>
Rene Diwa is morphing slowly but surely into Michael Douglas' character in "Falling Down". If you read about a customer killing a McDonald's crewperson with a ballpen, that's him. Write him before he enters the nuthouse: yoruba@email.ro.