The Customer is Crap Part 2 (of 3):
No Knowledge is a Bad Bad Thing

For those of you who have stumbled upon this article by accident, let me tell you what I am up to. This is the second article in a planned 3-parter about CUSTOMER SERVICE. The point I am trying to make is: there's no such thing as customer service in the Philippines.

Music shop salesladies don't know their music. Only what's hot on the radio that month. And even when they do know, they will quote that oft-abused catch-phrase for all emergencies: Sir, out of stock.

I've often asked my friends in the music industry why these records even need salesladies to push their merchandise. I mean, hey, if you want the album, you ll go and buy it. Even without the help of some mindless bimbo plopping the latest Vengaboys CD in your face. The mysterious answer to my question is that it s a long-standing tradition. Geez!

So I ask what criteria they use in picking these women? And the answer is: they must look good in a short skirt.

Holy crap.
I kid you not.

Case 2: Talk About Dirty Laundry

In the business books you read all about establishments building relationships with their customers over time. They take care of your needs, get to know you in the process and log the info down so that they can keep track of how you like things done and what products or services you need, specifically.

Forget that crap! Especially at local laundries. See, I live in an apartment that is small enough for me. Washing machine? No time, no space; therefore, no way. Thus it is with great satisfaction that I have my clothes picked up, washed, folded and returned to me by a third party service provider (if you want to use business-ese).

I've tried most everything nearby. Linis Lavandero, Lavandera Ko, Citiwide, Smart Wash, Easy Wash, Mr.Wash, Star Wash. The list is long, endless and rather gloomy. Because they all have the same faults.

One, they never know when exactly they can pick your clothes up. Their delivery vehicle or person has always either just left or is already out delivering things, so you have to wait several hours. How can there be any such thing as brand loyalty when the brand you want to patronize can't service you? I end up calling up the next name in the ever-growing list of laundry telephone numbers to find the one whose delivery boy is in the store at the time of my call.

Then, despite your specifically stating that you need to be out of the house at a certain time, they will never arrive on time. And even if you wait all day for them to return with your clean stuff, you will inevitably hear the flimsy excuse when you ask where your clothes are: Sir, wala kayo sa bahay eh. Dammit! I was at home ALL DAY!!!!!

Two, the people who answer the phones never know where you live. I ve been in Makati for, what, almost 1.5 years now? And though I ve tried many laundry services, I ve always made it a point to use them twice or thrice in a row. Thing is, they never keep track of your name, address, telephone number, whatever. So you always have to patiently spell out your last name, or the street you live on.

And three, they will always lose your clothes. They re disorganized, and quite inefficient. Because they don't know which are yours and which are Mr.Reyes from across the street. I've lost several pieces already, enough for me to realize: important, expensive clothes must be washed at home. I mean, who in his right mind would return a missing Marks & Spencer shirt that was mistakenly included in your clean laundry pile, if it fit you nicely?

Ah. But the alternative is to wash your own clothes.

Okay. I'll shut up now. I used to wash my denim pants by HAND, so you can forget that. You want the laundry services? Live with their shortcomings.

Except, can you imagine what wonderful service they COULD provide if someone shook them up and said: This is the way to do business, this is the way to keep your customers. The first one to do this will undoubtedly drive all the other laundries bankrupt.

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In 2 weeks, I return with part 3 of 3 in my The Customer is Crap mini-series, with more shocking tales of quality service in commercial establishments. Abangan muli at salamat sa pagbabasa!

<About The Author>
Rene Diwa is always mad these days. Maybe it s because he's on a diet. Write him at Yoruba@email.ro before he gives up and either shoots his lavandera or eats a slice of apple pie.