DYMO WACKO
Like the time I was walking to Aurora Boulevard from Farmer's Plaza at around 6 pm. A guy holding a Dymo sticker dispenser put his arm around me and seemed to be selling me some of his Dymo sticker tape. I couldn't really understand his babble, so I muttered about having only P1.50 left--- just enough to get home by jeep. And I sort of wriggled out from under his arm, expecting my bag to have been slashed and my wallet gone (my wallet's usually in my bag). Of course, after checking, I found to my surprise that he was not some sort of distraction for a syndicate of pickpockets but was after all, a lone madman... with a Dymo dispenser.

PERILOUS MOVIEGOING
And then there was the time when I watched an el-cheapo Leo Martinez comedy (was it "Bikini Watch"?)in Diamond Theater along Aurora Boulevard. I had nothing better to do that day. It was bright noontime outside so once in the darkness, I found I could hardly see. I made my way cautiously towards a seat, and went to the center seat of the center area. My eyes were still adjusting. As I was about to lower my
butt into the chair, I heard the faint sound of...snoring? I put my hand out to the seat immediately to the left and realized I was
pawing... someone's feet! This guy, probably drunk as a horse, had clambered horizontally onto 3 seats in the row and had promptly fallen asleep while Leo Martinez dished out the one-liners to scantily-clad women. I changed row quickly.

Anyway, after the movie--- a forgettable event except maybe for Amanda Page, who was still only an extra--- I headed for the comfort room to rid myself of liquids. I picked a urinal, unzipped and let fly. A guy took the urinal to my right, and did the same. Except that he quite laboriously looked over in my direction. There were partitions and all, so he (probably) wasn't looking at my thingy, instead he was examining my face. I was pretending not to notice, looking straight down, minding my own business. But he didn't quit. And I wouldn't look at him. It occurred to me, he might be doing something other than urinating, since he did seem to be pretty silent... (i.e. no splashing) so once again, in a tizzy, I finished my business, and headed straight for the exit. The hell with washing my hands!

BARKING SALESLADIES
Even the salesladies here are a whole different breed. I mean, by essence, they're supposed to be pleasant assistants to the buying consumer right? They are there to provide you with an idea as to where you can buy what you need, or even provide suggestions as to what styles might fit you-- if its clothes you're after. Well... not in Cubao, they aren't.

Sandwiched between National Book Store's Superbranch and the Plaza Fair building along Gen.Roxas Avenue in Cubao is a hive of stalls. A tiangge (or bargain area),if you must. One of many in Cubao. Here, the ladies who man the stalls bark out their wares to every single sentient being passing thru--- even if they're merely taking a shortcut to the next street. Prepare to be harassed by their "Bili na kayo, sir." or their "Ano hinahanap niyo, sir?" or even their "Bags, gusto niyo sir? Sapatos? T-shirt? Medyas?"

Kulang na lang bentahan pa ako ng jockey. Which wouldn't be surprising since these stalls carry many different brands of cotton briefs.

They will hound you if you linger, they will pounce if you so much as glance over at one of their items--- jumping up from the plastic stools they occupy and trying to look helpful even at their most infuriating. Apparently sales are so slow they have to fight over every customer...

Ah, but at least they're doing their job eh? Which is a lot more than I can say for you, if you're skimming thru this website while at your cushy aircon offices, sneaking a read in-between downloading the latest pics of Laetitia Casta.

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<Author's Bio:> Lionel is a freak. He loves Patti Page and Astrud Gilberto but his band CLONE sounds like Orbital. He writes for every single magazine he can get his words into, but he says he's a frustrated novelist. He works out of his house but says he has no time for the stuff he enjoys. Crazy fella.