August 1, 1999
on LocalVibe.com
STATE OF
THE URINATION I’ve
felt it, you’ve felt it, EVERYONE’S felt it: the urgent desire
to pee. It gets worse when you’re onboard a bus that, woefully, takes
the Ibabaw-Crossing route and is sitting still, sending merciless vibrations
to your bursting bladder. In the event
that you’re stuck in said situation, nothing beats being a guy. You
can do like the drivers do, disembark temporarily, whip it out next to
a steaming bus tire and let loose. (Tricky thing to keep the fluids off
your shoes, though. Or, come to think of it, keeping passing cars and
passersby from peeking at your pecker.) Even on provincial trips, this
is an acceptable reason to ask the driver to stop by the roadside. The
driver will then usually park on a nice stretch of service road and announce
that any others who wish to pee may do so. I remember
seeing an old man do just that on a windy day. We were along the North
Expressway, and he was pissing into the open air, facing away from the
bus. A gust of wind came along and threatened to lift the toupee off his
head…but both hands were busy! It was a hilarious sight, him urinating
while trying to keep his wig intact. It is possible
though, to do something else while pissing. At a stopover on the way to
Cagayan Valley, I remember a man peeing into a urinal with his left hand,
while simultaneously brushing his teeth with his right hand. Talk about
manual dexterity there.
I used to hear those unique ads about the Jingle Bag and couldn’t help but admire whoever invented the damn thing. Unfortunately, I never got to try it, neither have I encountered anyone who’s tried using it. But I did finally find one in a branch of HandyMan-- interestingly enough the one I saw was reusable. Still, that may be why it’s an extinct product. I mean, how easy is it to piss in a bag, while in a car---even if it’s stationary? That’s five times tougher than pissing against a bus tire. Once again, though it proves that no one’s thinking about the women. How very sad.
What’s
the solution? If, like me, you are a working stiff in an 8-to-5 job with
a commute that lasts anywhere from an hour to an hour-thirty then do the
following:
+ Don’t
drink many liquids an hour before “dismissal” time.
+ Don’t drink anything on the ride home, if you can help it. ESPECIALLY
on a rainy day.
+ Go to the comfort room before taking that ride, even if there seems
to be nothing to output.
+ Go to sleep. A lot is forgotten during slumber. Although hopefully you
are not plagued (as I am) by dreams filled entirely with images of urinals.
+ + +
<Author's
Bio>
Lionel can sometimes be so full of it. Piss, we mean. A-he-he-he-huh-huh.